"What Happens Now?"

Just sitting in my room, as the boxes and packaged areas, try and consume me from the inside.  Listening to Cold and gathering my thoughts, because I'll soon be leaving this gorgeous city/school and moving.  I guess it's that type of deja vu that doesn't give me the reasoning of feeling this way entirely . . . I'll be back up here for my Wednesday, August 3, 2011 performance at Lansing, Michigan's Rum Runner's Dueling Piano Bar, for an Open Mic Performance.  I'm super excited to be getting the chance to do this and yes, return back to my lovely atmosphere.  Although, it won't be for that long of a duration, I will still take it in, as if I'm holding on to my present for just a few more hours, before I edge into the future.

It makes me cringe at the fact, soon I will have to make a new life and create a new family (still keeping my sane and loving ones) in my new location . . . In hopes that everything goes according to plan, I make plans.  Even if they are strictly detailed or just minute with details, I still create them.  My music tour across the States is on the planned list and my hopes are to get people to appreciate my style and my music, but I always know things don't always go the way you'd hope, which leads me to my title ("What Happens Now?") . . . If people don't get my music, what does that mean; my music 'sucks'?  I just need to go to Grad School?  I should take a break and refocus on something more career appropriate?  What does that say about my plans . . . All I can do, is hope and plan for the best and pray that everything aligns in the manner that I believe it should.  I truly feel this is my path and that I can be just as successful at it, as if I chose another journey.  I've always said, "I've always wanted to truly be happy. Even when things are super tough and I know they aren't going to change, I still force a smile - In hopes that I will believe my external happiness and internally feel the same." and I need to believe in that statement, just as much now as I formally did.

This is not the time to waiver on my hopes, dreams, goals and whatnot, but it's time to strive for that future of possibilities that will lead me to my love.  I type onto this laptop and into this blog, feeling the pressure slowly subside, and even the boxes around me don't seem to pile on my anxious feelings, but gradually put things in perspective.  I'm a recent graduate - I set out to graduate from Michigan State University, which I did.  CHECK.  My family saw that happen.  CHECK.  I did every job and/or activity that I wanted to and learned from.  CHECK.  I made strong ties with many people.  CHECK.  I fell in love with my community.  CHECK.  I can honestly say that I conquered my time at State and now I can only hope to do the same in my new destination.

So, "what happens now" . . . Well, that's whatever happens, but I know it will most certainly be something great! :-p

Much Love and Take Care Dudes,

~Kyra C.

"Love Will Tear Us Apart"

So, I just returned from my evening workout; taking in the scenery; feeling the warmish breeze; trusting the wind, as it blew on my face.  Remembering that all this will soon change, in just a matter of weeks.  Everything will be new.  No more immediate comfort.  No more feeling like it's just deja vu . . . I'll have to work on my serenity somewhere strange.  My soundtrack of life will soon be updated with whatever can make me feel secure, as I travel around to the areas of unknown.  Don't get me wrong - I'm looking forward to the adventure, or adventures as they present themselves.  I just cannot fathom my life without what I've come to know and call home:  my friends, job, campus, housing, love - my life.  "And that's just the way it goes;  falling awake . . ." as Gary Jules would say.  As I type onto this keyboard, my time is decreasing and soon my anticipation will increase into unimaginable nervous behavior.  I love my life, now.  I just hope I love it in the near future.

Well, I have to get going.

Peace Out Dudes and Much Love,

~Kyra C. 

"That's What Friends Are For"

Super happy, because I just finished a great music rehearsal with my guitar and my beloved clarinet.  It's been awhile since I've fully played my Artley and I'm glad muscle memory and studiousness have prevailed and I can still play well.  :-p  Just sitting in my room, listening to some Dionne Warwick music (hence the title).  I love good music . . . I'm so about to get back to another rehearsal, because my future begins soon and I want to be able to utilize all of my skills by continuing to learn and practice.  Well, enough of this scattered blog - I've got to get going.

Peace Out Dudes,

~Kyra C.

"Answer"

So, it is another day - Another day of heat and trying to think cool. :-p  Actually, it is yet another day for meetings and rehearsals, partially just the way I like it.  Anywho, I've managed to get so much accomplished in less than one hour, which leads me to the ability of enjoying the rest of the day, which I can totally get behind the thought of.  Less than three to four weeks of meetings and then I am off to discover the meaning of real life.  I am nervous, yet I know that if I don't get away and try, I will regret it, not to mention probably lose my mind and yeah . . . So, the only practical thing is to move away and get my life really moving.  I know that life get's better (I'm not quoting the "Trevor Project", but they are right), and one can only hope for that chance.  I feel as if moving to my destination is like going straight to L.A., with nothing but my music and self esteem - It has to work out, right?  I mean, this is my life - my goals - my career - hopefully my future.  It will work out, I just have to only think positive thoughts, or at least never slow down enough to ponder the other ones.

Well, I need to get going, because there's so much to get done today. :-p

Peace Out Dudes,

~Kyra C.

"Bitterly"

So, it's almost forty minutes past 2am and yes, I am still awake . . . Well, it's apparent, since I am writing this blog.  Anywho, I've been awake, getting phone calls and watching episodes of season one of Grey's Anatomy, because I need to catch up on everything I've ever missed before the new season begins on September 22, 2011.  By that time, I'll have moved onto what I hope is the best place for me - Anywhere but MI.  But more importantly, my newest venture to my future.  This past week was somewhat gratifying, because I had the chance to visit home and my family and there were NO funerals.  Most times I come home to be surrounded by family, someone's lying in a casket, so this was a breath of fresh air.  Well, mostly fresh air.

It's strange how out of your element one can become, when around certain people - that was what I was feeling at specific moments while I was at my family BBQ that my sister hosted.  I felt strange, not just because I had never "hung out" with most of them before (mostly because they're all older than me), but because I felt as if I was not fully apart of their group nor did I want to jeopardize myself for trying too hard to become.  There were many moments when all I could do to feel sane, was to distance myself from the thought  of what was taking place, which is one of the main reasons I sometimes dissociate from some people.  From the obsessive and excessive usage of the "N" word, blaring profane rap music to smoking and drinking . . . I just knew I was out of place, but the only thing I could do was watch and make sure nothing bad happened, because I was the only one sober (mind and body) - who could determine real confrontation.

Needless to say I was happier, earlier when everyone was sober and more relieved when I returned back to my third place of solace (1.  my habitat and 2.  my environment).

So, yeah, that was an eventful time, which I am thrilled to say, I survived, of course. :-p

Still awake and listening to some great singer/songwriters and pulling musical inspiration from them, as I attempt to lie down and take a nap, because I will be awake in less than seven hours . . . It's meeting day  and more workouts in store, because I managed to miss my evening one.  Bummer! :-(

Well, after this song ends, it's back to another episode of Grey's Anatomy and then, maybe some napping time . . . One can only hope.

Peace Out Dudes,

~Kyra C.

"Little Earthquakes"

Well, it's official - I've done way too much homework . . . Well, I've at least finished everything that's due next week, which should be a great thing, meaning I can relax some more.  Just sitting here and finishing up the fourth season of Private Practice, because for some odd reason, I never wanted to watch the show, but now I've caught myself up to four seasons . . . Yeah, I've had some real time lapses, especially with my evening workouts.  The funny thing is my timing with when I do my Pilates and Yoga workouts . . . They're usually in the morning and before I head off to sleep, which is rarely at a normal time, but what can I say.

Back to what people want to know - Where the Blog title came from . . . Well, it's actually from one of my favorite albums from the amazing Tori Amos, and if you've never heard of her, you are insanely absent from reality. :-p

This album, kind of like Staind's "14 Shades of Gray" album - It's just a great album, which can be replayed everyday.  I love creating soundtracks, even with my life, because for some reason - Music makes so many things possible.  Wow, I've managed to become even more scatter brained in the last few paragraphs . . . I'm going to get back to finishing season 4, so yeah . . .

Take Care and Much Love,

~Kyra C.

"Would You Love Me?"

So, I'm just sitting here, listening to some of my newest songs that have been recorded over the past few weeks.  I'm amazed at how much of a writers surface I find, whenever I give my mind the freedom to roam . . . Other times, I find it difficult to not just run away from thoughts.  Speaking of thoughts . . . It seems as if I'm going to have to focus on them, relatively soon.  I'm gearing towards a long evening workout, well, after I take my precautionary asthma medications. :-p

Since the title of this post is what it reads, some may wonder - 'what in the smurf is she talking about?'  Well, I'm referring to a 'special person', which is brought up in the song that was recorded, under the same name.  Once I upload the song to be listened to, feel free to question who this song pertains to and maybe I'll verify the answer. :-p  **nevermind when I upload it ->  Here is a link to the actual song.**   "Would You Love Me?"

Well, I must stay focused and get back to work, because I only have three and a half more weeks to rely on this atmosphere, which has always been so mixed when it came to my point of view.  After this summer, I will be off, trying to make my life work and I'm in for a rude awakening, although I will swerve away from it.   I'm super nervous about finally landing where I've always discussed being, however I'm ecstatic about venturing off into those places that I believe I need to be.  I just hope my presence in the "industry" will stay prevalent, even after everything is over . . . Not getting morbid, but I need to make a mark, before things end - I believe music transcends all things and great music will live on.  So why not try and create something that will bring others to an understanding, years down the line?  I can only push myself until I accomplish that.

Well, I am off to "ride into the sunset" or just around the greenery. :-p

Peace Out Dudes,

~Kyra C.